I took 12 weeks of maternity leave...that's right 12 weeks. It would have been longer (say forever) but I was forced to return due to a depleted bank account and some things out of our control.
Why do mothers go on maternity leave?
1. To recover from delivery
2. To bond with their baby
So why is it so difficult for me answer to question of where I have been to my co-workers. I think hard and long every time someone ask where I have been. I ultimately always come to same answer, "maternity leave," because...well...that is where I have been. Of course, that often spurs some version of the question, "how is the baby?" To which I respond, "our daughter didn't make it." To which the other person turns white and quite as a mouse.
I was told today I shouldn't tell people I went on maternity leave, just personal leave. I understand the logic. I mean it makes the other person feel uncomfortable and people think it brings up further sadness for me. But I did NOT go on personal leave. I went on maternity leave.
Why did I go on maternity leave?
1. To recover from delivery
2. To bond with my baby
Yes, that is correct I used the last 12 weeks to bond with my third child. A beautiful daughter. A daughter I was able to hold and love and carry. A daughter who was precious and inspires me everyday to be a the best mommy I can be. I needed that 12 weeks to look at her, think of her, get to know her, to dream about how she will affect our future and how she changed our past. I used that 12 weeks to foster my love for her. So I am very thankful I had that time for concentrated healing and bonding!
But I was rare to get this time off. Places of employment don't offer FMLA for bereaved moms. My boss was great and choose to turn her head to my time off, but technically I would have had to go back at 6 weeks post-op and pretty much immediately if I had delivered vaginally.
This just further goes to show how LITTLE WE CARE FOR OUR LITTLES.
Please click here for how you can make FMLA count for a bereaved parent
8 comments:
You are so brave. I love reading your posts, they make me feel better about my grief.
That is the best compliment I could have! It is one of the main reasons I blog, I figure if I am feeling it others have to be too.
Signed. I always felt robbed and disgruntled about having to return to work almost immediately after the birth of my angel baby. It left me feeling very vulnerable and self-conscious - not sure why. I'm glad you had some time to recover physically and bond with your precious daughter. Thanks for sharing. I do enjoy reading your posts!
This is such a common thing I hear after losing a baby. I am so sorry you had to go thru that after already going thru so much!
BEAUTIFUL blog post!! I was blessed that even though I had Maternity Leave for 12 weeks came back to work then a month and a half later my baby boy passed away my employer gave me 6 weeks of paid personal leave off. I work in a very busy pediatric clinic, and we deal with a lot of babies. I am so grateful to my job! I wish more employers would be more sensitive towards grieving parents.
BEAUTIFUL blog post!! I was blessed that even though I had Maternity Leave for 12 weeks came back to work then a month and a half later my baby boy passed away my employer gave me 6 weeks of paid personal leave off. I work in a very busy pediatric clinic, and we deal with a lot of babies. I am so grateful to my job! I wish more employers would be more sensitive towards grieving parents.
I have been struggling with going back to work. 12 weeks is NOT long enough! Where do you live? I am due to go back in two weeks and I know I'm not ready. In two weeks it will be 17 weeks since I lost my son at 36 weeks. It came out of no where. I feel like I am rebuilding my entire life. Everything is new. I'm in Canada. I've heard in the uk they get the full year. I assume your in the US? Thank you for the blog post...I know it's old. I've been reading so many blogs to make myself feel a bit more 'normal'. Your posts are so real and comforting. It's nice to know others have gone through this and moved forward.
Hang in there trish. This is so raw for you right now. Be patient with yourself. And I think a year is what every country should get.
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