Tuesday marks the 5th anniversary of me becoming a mommy. Henry Hudson has brought so much joy into my life since that hot day in August.
But there have been many sad days since. We have gone on to have five children in those short five years, and yet only two of them do we get to celebrate birthdays on this earth.
Birthdays are BIG for us...especially first birthdays. I am super anxious about Claudie's coming up in 12 weeks. Instead of planning her party, I will be planning our Kisses For Claudie event for others in her honor. It keeps me focused but it isn't enough.
All this celebrating of Henry's birthday this weekend makes me anxious and sad. I want to call my mom and tell her about it. I want her to be there. I want his sister to be on my lap at the party. So does Henry. He told me a couple nights ago, he wanted to give all his gifts to others who don't have any. This is his baby sister's influence. Claudie has done so much to make her brother wiser and kinder.
It is weird how the best of days are the hardest of days as well.
Grief changes everything.