Friday, March 21, 2014

On Rainbow Babies


***Warning I need to vent and when I vent I tend to get feisty.

For those of you who don't know rainbow baby is a term for a baby after loss. The idea is that a rainbow doesn't negate the storm but is something that is beautiful after it.

Okay. Thanks.

I am just going to be frank here. I hate the term. It's stupid. It's similar to when people say it happened for a reason.

Newsflash: EVERYTHING happens for a reason and saying my daughter's death did not only makes not feel better it often makes me feel worse.

I digress. Back to the topic at hand. Or maybe I was talking about the topic at hand. Here is the thing, a lot of people mean well. They want to make sense of it. We think if something so senseless makes sense then somehow the logic will help us grieve, but in reality the exact opposite happens. We coin silly little phases to oversimplify something horrible and tragic. We do it over and over with lots of different little phrases. I made of list of ones that really bothered me last year in this post: Words/Phrases that Drive Me Nuts.

Rainbow baby made the list then and it is coming back up again. Here is why...

Like I said in the previous post Claudette was my rainbow baby, so maybe I am just mistrusting of the promise that term gives. Perhaps, bigger than that is what rainbow assumes. Rainbows happen after storms, therefore; it is assuming having a living baby is a part of the process of having a deceased one. As if you have to have at least one living baby to be a mom.

Any mom who has lost knows what I am talking about because inevitably they have got the question, "Do you have other kids?"

Whew! You have two other living kids. Oh good. At least you have other kids.


Oh, no! You don't have any living children. Are you trying for your rainbow?

These are the types of questions and comments we get from others and thoughts sometimes we give to ourselves as baby loss mommas.

Yes technically we are trying for another baby via adoption. But this baby is not a rainbow baby. It doesn't negate any storm. It doesn't even have to do with any other storm. Yes, it could be argued that without the loss of twins, Claudie would not have been and without the loss of Claudie a future child might not be. This is true one some degree. But that is silly to make the inference that directly. It's like saying without my first born my second born would not exist. Yeah, it's call birth order! It's a simple as that. Yes, some go on to try for more babies than they would have normally because they have lost their babies and yes after loss a lot of mom's have the strong hormonal pushes to try for another. But babies don't cancel each other out based on their lifespan.

I know I might be offending some, but I think it devalues a child that dies to call the next child a rainbow baby. Just as my mom will always be my only mom. I don't need a rainbow mom since she died, my daughter wasn't a storm and I don't need some colorful rainbow to come bring something positive out of the negative. See as sad as I am Claudette is gone, her presence as short as it was, was enough.

Monday, March 10, 2014

I'm Cheap

I thought I would let my blog followers in on a couple little secrets:

First: I am cheap.

My house is furnished 98% on garage sales, estate sales, TJ Maxx and Target...I mean really does one need to go anywhere else? I HATE retail, who doesn't? But now that we are trying to save money way into the five digits my cheapness has taken on a new level.

This is why I am OBSESSED with my second secret: Rhea Lana.

What the heck is that? Well, one day I was just walking into Panera to get an ice tea and I walked passed all these moms in a frenzy shopping for children's clothes and goods from a relatively small shop. It smelled ahhmazing, which is not been my experience at when I normally shop second hand. I was immediately approached by someone, with a happy smile, handing me a basket. It was so organized. Then I saw an old dear friend and realized she and another mommy to littles owned this incredible franchise in Overland Park, called Rhea Lana Children Consignment Sales. I was sold...and I am not an easy sale.

Here's the deal I got high (HIGH) end clothes at seriously crazy cheap prices. The next sale (they happen twice a year) I thought I would try to sell some of my junk. It flew! I was able to purchase both of my kids wardrobes and toys for an entire season (including a newborn daughter) for under $150!!! Everything from diaper dekor refills, to a Coach diaper bag.

The next sale I stepped it up a notch and decided to volunteer (honestly, cuz momma wanted to shop even earlier). This is when it got crazy!

The sales are now almost 40,000 items and have moved to a HUGE convention center...don't worry still have the same great smells, smiling faces, and are just as organized.

I scored a bouncer for $7!! An graco carseat snugride for $15!!! A Bob NEW stroller for around $100! And here is the AMAZING, AMAZING thing I spent NO money on my kids clothes!! It was an even exchange for what I consigned! Since I was now able to afford high quality clothes, like Heartstrings and Tea Collection, at cheap prices they held their value and I was able to resale them for basically the same price I bought them. Now, I just kinda do an exchange program of sorts for new sizes. Yes, it doesn't work for all clothes because kids stain and rip their clothes, but then I inevitably have a big item laying around (like last Ikea table I scored a few years back at a sale) that I can sale and make BANK and break even!

This sale I am trying to do even more, and bring money home to contribute to our adoption funds! That's right I want to actually make money after buying spring and summer clothes (and toys) for a four and five year old. I think I might just be able to!

Anyway,  I thought you mommies should know about these amazing sales. Oh, and one more thing...they consider us adoptive-moms-to-be like pregnant moms-to-be and let us shop even earlier!

Check our their FB page for more info: Rhea Lana Overland Park
Photo cred: Amanda Eaton
Most of the toys on this picture were purchased at Rhea Lana, including the white shelf the toys are sitting on.