Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Momma Bear is Angry

I was recently asked why I would continue to have babies if they could kill me or I could kill them. I would like to be a mature adult and look the other way and ignore this question with as much ignorance as it was asked. I got to thinking however that this question while asked out of hatred is probably a question on a lot of people’s minds. I mean it isn’t the first time it has been posed to me. The last was by another medical professional (although that time it was asked with more tact and love).  Anyhow, I guess it hit me so hard because after having two high risk pregnancies, then losing my beloved twins, and now on going on my 5 month of another high risk pregnancy (of which I haven’t felt the baby move in over a week or been able to get a heart beat on a Doppler but am too afraid to call the doctor and get yet another ultrasound) people have a right to question.

But let me say something VERY clear here. I would NEVER intentionally put my children (born or unborn) at risk!! For those of you close to me, you know I wouldn’t so much as intake more than 4oz of caffeine to put my pregnancies at risk, so why would I get pregnant if it puts my babies at risk of dying? While the fact is while I am considered a high risk pregnant woman and have more complications, it is now 2012 and my babies have less of a risk miscarriage then they do from you a woman consuming too much nitrates from a hot dog. So with all due respect, STEP BACK!!   I care for my children and love my children from conception to the moment I will take my last breathe on this earth.  I am not just talking about those overtly mean people who say hurtful things. I mean you too. You know who you are: The person who gives the look when I tell them I am pregnant rather than saying congratulations, the person who says don’t you know how that happens, the person who says well I am just so worried about you (Guess what? Stress in pregnancy is worse for my baby than my diabetes. So stop worrying, it achieves nothing but negativity), and the person who tell me you already have two babies as a diabetic you should be grateful. This last comment really gets me! Are you kidding me? Of course, when I look at the cutest little boy and girl in the world I am grateful! Couldn’t be more grateful!  Both that little girl and those precious twins were a complete surprise to us! We were not intending on having any babies at those moments, but God plans were different. So we trusted him and are grateful for both outcomes, yes even the outcome of losing the twins.

This pregnancy is different! We PLANNED IT!! We WANTED IT BAD!  We tried and tried and tried. So much so that after months and months of not having success, we set up an appointment with my OB to talk about my fertility. That appointment quickly changed from an infertility appointment to our first prenatal visit. Yes, this pregnancy has been the most difficult yet, riddled with complication after complication, compounded by the stress of losing the first love of my life, my mom.  But this one’s a fighter, I tell ya. So again I say, LEAVE YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF! When you say things like the above mentioned you are messing with God’s eternal plan for us. And for those of you who don’t believe in God let me put it in terms of nature: you are messing with my cubs, which makes this momma bear VERY ANGRY!