Celebrations and confusion...

Today was a bittersweet day. The kids and I went around running errands for the big celebration on the 29th for Claudie's celebration. There are few things more confusing and hard than looking at first party décor for a baby that won't actually be at the first party.

Amelie, "Here is an elephant piñata!"
Henry, "No, Amelie. Claudette isn't here to hit it!"

And on and on their confused little conversations went.
It was confusing to me too.
Do I get the first year tiara and put in on her grave?
Do I buy things that say 1st year? Or will that be too weird?
Oh there is an underpad for the highchair. Genius. Easy cake clean up. {Pick it up to put in cart}
Oh wait. We won't need that.

I know it is celebration of the her life, but I am just so used to planning BIG parties for my kiddos first birthday wherein they actually get to be in attendance. It's really hard not being able to do this and instead think of things that "make sense" for a party for an one year old who won't actually be there.

No cake splattered over her face and hair. No loud laughter as she figures out the cake is for her. No gifts being ripped open. No pictures being taken. No gummy grins.

Big sister Amelie's first birthday cupcake...

No instead, I plan a celebration of her memory and legacy. And it has been BIG. Yesterday, someone asked how Claudie died. I said, "She died of an enlarged heart. Fitting huh?"