Adopting...a new way of thinking

So we are getting a lot of questions recently about where we are in the adoption process. I would have updated everyone sooner, but we were not quite sure how to answer.

I am not sure we are any more equip to answer that question fully today, but I do feel that some update is deserved especially given all the time, money, and love everyone has surrounded us so far in this journey.

We have met with a few adoption agencies and consultants and have some major questions to answer about which direction we want to go from here. We will pray fervently and try to go with the agency we feel best for our family and what God would have us to do.

The next real step is do what is called a Home Study. This is basically a mandated review of your home, your finances, and your health to ensure a child is being placed in a safe environment. The process will take about 2-4 months.

Once we complete that study we will be able to list with an agency or agencies. After we are listed our wait could be anywhere from weeks to years depending what happens from there.

I know this is non-specific but really we don't know much yet. We are in NO rush to adopt. The only pressure we have in this process is we don't want a huge gap between children and Amelie will be 4 this year.

Frankly, we like the fact that the earliest we will probably have a baby is next spring because I feel like we need that time to grieve. Just as a living child deserves their momma's attention for the first year or so of life, I think Claudette deserves the same. This spring we thought we were ready to bring home a baby ASAP, but as time has lingered we realize we are still very much grieving and while we will always grieve on some level we need at least a year before another child comes into our lives.

The best piece of advice I got was from one of the adoption consultants we saw this week. She said that when we grieve we try to occupy our time with other projects and things in order to avoid the reality of our grief. I feel I have spent the last 7 months doing just that.  I have immersed myself in two jobs, fundraising, adoption research and anything else that will help me avoid the grief. No this doesn't mean I don't think of Claudette constantly. Because I do. It just means I don't think about what it really means that she is gone. Because I don't.

The consultant suggested that I quit "busying myself" and spend quiet time in prayer and mediation about where God wants us to be. Yes, I know this is not revolutionary advice, but I avoid quiet time like the plague. The last time I had just 30 extra minutes of quiet time I ended up in the ER having a panic attack. Quiet time makes me face reality...and my reality is a difficult one to accept right now.
 
But the one consistent thing I hear from all adoptive parents is that adoption will force you into a new way of thinking...a way of thinking wherein your will is not your own. A way of thinking wherein patience and perseverance are no longer attributes but necessities. So here's to a new way of thinking...prayer and meditation it is!