It could always be worse...

...the phase I have told myself over and over again in an attempt to make it through a challenging day or moment. But the phrase never seemed to make me feel better...really it made me feel worse.

I told myself perhaps it was because everything is relative and this is my worse.  

It wasn't until a John Piper bible study this summer when I realized why it offered me no comfort. We talked about God's ultimate gift he gave to us.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

I have heard this verse a bizzion times, but never had thought about it in this way. God has to give the ultimate gift: HIS CHILD. He later asked Abraham to do the same. There are so many things God could have done to prove His love and commitment to us, but none would come as close as giving his OWN child. 

I am in no way comparing myself to God or even Abraham, because frankly I think I would have run for the hills had God given me a choice about taking Claudette. It just helped me realize that even God agrees there is really nothing greater than losing a child. 

Yes, I could lose my husband. Yes, I could lose my five year old or three year old. Or heaven forbid my entire family could die after horrible persecution. The point is that even though further, catastrophic devastation can happen, the worst already has.

I truly believe God understands this and it brings me great comfort that I have that in common with my Father. That I can cry to him and he "gets it".  It also has helped me understand the ultimate gift God gave me. 

After losing a child, it now takes my breathe away that God would knowingly give his child for US!