Just Show UP

A few weeks ago on a daily conversation to my sister  she informed of this new plan she had to just show up for things. Like you know everyone of her three kids thirty birthday parties a year they are invited to, all the extracurricular things at her church, school and social calender while working full time AND going to school for her MBA.

I promptly told her she was crazy.

See my husband and I decided exactly the opposite after Claudie died. We were over-committed. We decided both directly and indirectly to hide from the cruel world within the comfort of our home with Netflix and take out.

But then on another call to my sister a few days later she told me an incredible story. That weekend they were incredibly busy and made a point to take their daughter to her kindergartener classmate's bday party. It was the beginning of September and they didn't even know this little girl yet. But they made every effort to go Saturday, only to find out it was the following day. Tempted to give up, my sister decided to follow through on her goal of showing up and went Sunday. Upon arriving to the park, my sister wanted to turn the car around. No other kids were there. It was mainly what appeared to be aunts and uncles and grandparents. The little girl and others were so excited about my niece's presence that there was no turning back however. My sister quickly noticed there was a solemn overtone to the event. Then the birthday girl announced I wished my daddy was here.  The grandma seeing my sister was confused said her son, the birthday girl's daddy, had been killed in a car wreck over the summer. This was there first celebration since. My sister showed up. In turn her daughter showed up. In turn it could become about a little girl turning 6 a little bit more and the sting of a missing daddy a little bit less.

Then a few days later on a rare alone time on my bike and ear buds, I heard the lyrics to this Rachel Platten song:
She dreams of where she's never been
Her story starts where it should end
And she keeps a bible close 
And folds the pages down she needs the most
The faded walls are closing in
So in her head she leaves again
And they've painted ceilings blue and green
And brilliant colors she's never seen

And nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
You'll never be a winner if you're not in the game
Nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
Make a little space and get out of your own way

A ticket out sits on her shelf
But gathers dust upon itself
Cause chasing chance is for the brave
Maybe soon she'll feel that way

But nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
Nothing ever happens if you don't get hurt
Nothing ever happens if you never get dirty
Make a little space and go on, get out
Go on, get out 

Leave what you don't need
You're free and the pieces will fall into place
You and you only
Who can make a little space and... and get out of your own way

She sees the sunlight through the cracks
It's only her who holds her back and... 
And so she takes her deepest breath
Shuts the door and walks down the steps

And nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon 
Nothing ever happens if you're not in the game
And nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
Make a little space and get out of your own... 

Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own 
Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own way


OK! OK!
I get it. Show up! 
...but seriously was that song written about me? Is Rachel Platten stalking me?

So tonight I knew I had to show up to this Story Teller's Event from women who had learned to trust God despite pain and loss at a local church...period pimple and all (you know, you know what I am talking about).

It was so incredible to see women speaking words of vulnerability and ugliness and watching into turn into beauty and light. 

One comment (or at least what I got from the comment) stuck with me from a women whom had struggled with infertility for years, often we pray for God to bring us THROUGH the time of suffering, when really IN the time of suffering is God's gift to us. 

So thanks sis and sistas' in Christ for the lesson.