Last year I was blown away about how much each year has turned further into something harder and yet more beautiful I blogged about it in my post July 21, 2013.
Now here we are a year later sitting in the same hospital we lost you and Claudie. The same hospital that performed dad's open heart. We are sitting in the same chairs in the same waiting room, with the same nurse, the same doctor, and the same beautiful sun that set the night we lost you two years ago rose over the same sky this morning.
Surreal.
It provides great comfort but also great anxiety. I am worried for the kids other grandma as she faces a huge surgery. They...we simply can't lose another person so important in our lives. We gave her flowers with an angel hanging from them that says, "A guardian angel watches over you."
I don't know 100% that is how it all works. I don't know that you truly have the capability to control in any way the outcome of what happens today or any day. Ultimately, I know that fate lays only in the hands of the God who creates life. But, my speculation is who have some control over how the day feels. Because I feel ya momma! I feel in the woman in the yellow shirt. I feel ya in the white butterfly that has been following me since I found out Dustin's mom would have this surgery last Wednesday. I feel you in my heart.
I am sad because I miss you today, but I am more happy than sad because today is your birthday. Your FAVORITE day! I can sense you dancing and rejoicing, getting way more joy than any ice cream cake on this earth can ever provide.
Happy 65th mom!!
See ya soon.
Love,
me
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