As of 6:10pm it makes 12 weeks since there was last an "&".
Dustin & Alyvia
We were pretty great together huh?
You completed me. You saw me.
It's scary to think I have to live the rest without being seen. Being loved so fully and completely as you did me.
I am desperately lonely without you.
Someone posted on my FB post that is nice to see you me "moving on". Not sure how they would gather I am moving on from a post about running. Truth is I will never move on. You are apart of my every future breathe and nothing can change that.
I am trying to move forward however. I have no choice. The kids need a childhood. I have to make a conscious choice every second of every day to keep my mind intact so that can happen. But it's more than surviving for the kids.
A young widow asked what is a widow's purpose for going on. 80+ comments and everyone said their kids. The young widow then commented, "but we didn't get a chance to have kids, so what's my purpose?"
I thought and thought about that because frankly I was about to respond that the kids were my purpose too. But no person can be another's person purpose for living. You were my purpose and now your gone and I am here. Your death can't be the death of me too...although frequently I wish it was.
I must make conscious choices to live the fullest life I can not only for your honor but because I am child of God that alone makes me enough. Most moments living the fullest is simply doing the next right thing and most moments that is VERY hard.
