I was recently asked why I would continue to have babies if
they could kill me or I could kill them. I would like to be a mature adult and
look the other way and ignore this question with as much ignorance as it was
asked. I got to thinking however that this question while asked out of hatred
is probably a question on a lot of people’s minds. I mean it isn’t the first
time it has been posed to me. The last was by another medical professional
(although that time it was asked with more tact and love). Anyhow, I guess it hit me so hard because
after having two high risk pregnancies, then losing my beloved twins, and now
on going on my 5 month of another high risk pregnancy (of which I haven’t felt
the baby move in over a week or been able to get a heart beat on a Doppler but am
too afraid to call the doctor and get yet another ultrasound) people have a
right to question.
But let me say something VERY clear here. I would NEVER intentionally
put my children (born or unborn) at risk!! For those of you close to me, you
know I wouldn’t so much as intake more than 4oz of caffeine to put my
pregnancies at risk, so why would I get pregnant if it puts my babies at risk
of dying? While the fact is while I am considered a high risk pregnant woman and
have more complications, it is now 2012 and my babies have less of a risk
miscarriage then they do from you a woman consuming too much nitrates from a
hot dog. So with all due respect, STEP BACK!! I care
for my children and love my children from conception to the moment I will take
my last breathe on this earth. I am not
just talking about those overtly mean people who say hurtful things. I mean you
too. You know who you are: The person who gives the look when I tell them I am
pregnant rather than saying congratulations, the person who says don’t you know
how that happens, the person who says well I am just so worried about you (Guess
what? Stress in pregnancy is worse for my baby than my diabetes. So stop
worrying, it achieves nothing but negativity), and the person who tell me you
already have two babies as a diabetic you should be grateful. This last comment
really gets me! Are you kidding me? Of course, when I look at the cutest little
boy and girl in the world I am grateful! Couldn’t be more grateful! Both that little girl and those precious
twins were a complete surprise to us! We were not intending on having any
babies at those moments, but God plans were different. So we trusted him and
are grateful for both outcomes, yes even the outcome of losing the twins.
This pregnancy is different! We PLANNED IT!! We WANTED IT BAD! We tried and tried and tried. So much so that
after months and months of not having success, we set up an appointment with my
OB to talk about my fertility. That appointment quickly changed from an
infertility appointment to our first prenatal visit. Yes, this pregnancy has been
the most difficult yet, riddled with complication after complication,
compounded by the stress of losing the first love of my life, my mom. But this one’s a fighter, I tell ya. So again
I say, LEAVE YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF! When you say things like the above mentioned
you are messing with God’s eternal plan for us. And for those of you who don’t
believe in God let me put it in terms of nature: you are messing with my cubs,
which makes this momma bear VERY ANGRY!
