Three years later: WE FORGOT

We made a promise to these first graders to not forget...

I told myself as I sat on my couch watching on the TV the horrific coverage weeks after burying my own daughter, I would never forget. But we have forgotten. We have forgotten the innocent faces of little first graders forced to die in fear at the hands of a coward hiding behind an assault rifle.

We have forgotten the 100s of lives that have since met similar fate and will continue to meet similar fate.
Rhetoric and political agenda has made us forget that goal for innocent lives to be saved!

Shame on us for not pouring ourselves into research to provided data on prevention like we do on other matters like drunk-driving, drug-overdosed, and SIDS.
Instead, the fear paralyzes us from doing anything that would promote any real change.
But do me a favor: look into the eyes in the picture above. Imagine they are your first grader, your brother/sister, your nephew/niece, grandchild. Imagine they are the little child's voice you hear playing outside every evening when you arrive home from work.

Here are some tweets shortly after Sandy Hook from parents:

Picking up my 9YO from school today was shockingly hard. Sadness, anger, and also reason, screaming for us to talk about #GunControlNow

I can't believe anyone believes the solution to this problem is more guns. I'm going to enjoy my weekend w/my kid & hope common sense wins.

7yo: "It should be impossible for people to get guns." No kidding.

Please, I know several of your first reactions are going to be to dismiss those tweets for various reasons and some of those reasons might be valid. But please answer why does a human being need to own an assault rifle? Sure there might be reasons for handguns for personal protection, and rifles for hunting but an assault rifle??!! And sure people can still use any gun or a knife or a stick for that matter to kill someone. But, aside from a bomb, an assault rifle is the only other single thing used to others so quickly.

And for those of you who continually state, it's a HEART problem, not a gun problem. I urge you to think first of the logic of that. . It's also a heart problem to drink and drive. We have laws against that. Should we do away with them? It's also a heart problem to rape someone. Welp, if someone wants to rape someone they will. So let's do away with that law too. Of course it's a heart problem, OUR HEART problem. EVERY SIN IS A HEART PROBLEM. BUT THE ONLY HEART WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IS OUR OWN AND FRANKLY MY HEART CAN HANDLE ANOTHER INNOCENT PERSON DYING NEEDLESSLY!

For those of you who want to create positive change there are some things you can do to support it:
This is a great group similar to M.A.D.D. on FB that does walks and lots of other great things to promote awareness and research as well on info on what politicians are doing and what they are not doing to help the cause: https://www.facebook.com/MomsDemandAction/?fref=ts

This is another great site for Sandy Hook victims that helps us keep our promise: https://www.facebook.com/SandyHookPromise/?fref=nf&pnref=story

And for all the hateful responses I have gotten on the past on this topic and the ones I am soon to get in the future, I will reiterate: It IS a heart issue...your heart and MINE and I am only responsible for mines, so I will not engage in futile debates.

Stop Saying, "I will pray for you."

Okay, so the title might be a bit misleading. I am not going to stop saying, "I will pray for you" ever again, but I am going to try to say it less and do more.


I mean I know I am not alone here. If someone post on FB a need or hurt in their lives and we say, "I will pray for you."


If you are like me you either :
1. stop what you are doing and immediately say a quick prayer.
2. Add them to a mental prayer list and hope that their status comes up in your feed later when you are less busy so you can pray then.
Or 3. Simply forget to pray completely for them after you have said you would. Too bad I am not catholic cuz I sure could use some "hail Mary's" for how many times I have done that one.


Don't get me wrong prayer is VERY important, powerful and life-changing. I am writing this as my infant son, who I believe is here directly as a result of tons of prayers from some of you and myself, lays napping next to me. Read my FB, I obviously pray and believe in prayers and think they are very important. Heck, my cousin's 6 month old son is recovering from open heart today and needs tons of prayers and I have pleaded for them from my FB praying family, because what a better platform for prayer request.


But while it is fine and GOOD to pray for one another as Christians, isn't that a given. When someone reaches us out to us, shouldn't we be the hands and feet of Christ and not just the often empty words.


Let me give you an example. My mom is deceased and I don't want to throw her under the bus but I think she changed so much as she came closer to her death bed that she would appreciate me telling this.


My mom was a super mom. Like really incredible mom of 8 kids, had a horrible case of Rheumatoid Arthritis that left her in excruciating pain most of her life but still did it all seemingly seamlessly, including make all 3 meals a day by scratch, homeschooling us kids and most of our life nannied for other children full time. Enough said.


When I was in younger another woman in our church reached out to my mom and asked for help on how she seemed to have it all together. My mom's response was to push it off in embarrassment.


My brother said, "mom, you should go to her and help her! That is what she asking!"
My mom's response back was, "Oh I can't help her. I will pray for her."


But my brother was right! Yes, my mom was right to pray for her, but what she needed and what could have answered HER prayers was to HELP her. My mom could help her. While she saw it as embarrassment to be seen as a mom who had it together when she thought she didn't, that vulnerability would have been very helpful to this other mom in crisis.


I mean it's silly if we think about it right? If we were in a boat drowning and looked at person in the big ship and said "HELP!" We want them to throw a life-jacket, not scream back to us, "I will pray for you!"


Well, friends I am here to tell you, your friends are screaming HELP! Some of these of friends may even be atheist. Saying, I will pray for you when you can do tangible things that actually help them isn't being Christ like. In fact, it feels a bit like a cop-out.
Okay, I said I was praying for you, you know I care.
Check.
Think of how loving that really is, especially to someone who doesn't believe there is anyone out there actually listening to your prayers. I am not saying to not pray, but what I am saying is to DO!


We tend to talk and quote verses and do a lot of rhetoric as Christians. But when you read the bible, there isn't that much in red when you really think about it. Maybe, I am reading my bible incorrectly, but I just don't see the verse where people struggling with sin and life are met with I will pray for you.  Of course, he does go to God on our behalf, but his tangible ACTIONS are how we see that HE is the son of GOD!


If we are striving to be like sons and daughters of God, then I urge you to think differently the next time someone says I am having a bad day. Instead of I am praying for you, maybe ask why their day bad. Or maybe buy them lunch. Or send them a card. Yes, we can even do this over FB for people we have never met in real life. I say this as someone who has recipient of such love over the last 3 years. In fact, this blog post was inspired by others who have taught me when someone's mom dies you GO to the funeral. YES, even if you didn't know her mom. And when someone says, they aren't feeling well you have pizza hut delivered to their door for the kids and husband that are feeling well. Simple things like just inboxing a friend a word of encouragement when they post publicly a struggle can CHANGE LIVES PEOPLE!


My pastor said something Sunday that keeps resonating this week, Paul would be ashamed of us for being Sunday to Sunday Christians. You know what I mean. You come to church and then you say see you next Sunday, have a nice week. Or maybe see you Wednesday if you are a really good Christian. Yes, I know life is different 2000+ years later. We all can't walk the road to Damascus and check on our brothern everyday. But, in some ways it's easier. We all have text and FB and tons of ways to communicate and regularly encourage and love on each other as a COMMUNITY OF CHRIST.


I am rambling now but my point is maybe, just maybe I can do MORE than pray next time. I know I am going to try.

Just Show UP

A few weeks ago on a daily conversation to my sister  she informed of this new plan she had to just show up for things. Like you know everyone of her three kids thirty birthday parties a year they are invited to, all the extracurricular things at her church, school and social calender while working full time AND going to school for her MBA.

I promptly told her she was crazy.

See my husband and I decided exactly the opposite after Claudie died. We were over-committed. We decided both directly and indirectly to hide from the cruel world within the comfort of our home with Netflix and take out.

But then on another call to my sister a few days later she told me an incredible story. That weekend they were incredibly busy and made a point to take their daughter to her kindergartener classmate's bday party. It was the beginning of September and they didn't even know this little girl yet. But they made every effort to go Saturday, only to find out it was the following day. Tempted to give up, my sister decided to follow through on her goal of showing up and went Sunday. Upon arriving to the park, my sister wanted to turn the car around. No other kids were there. It was mainly what appeared to be aunts and uncles and grandparents. The little girl and others were so excited about my niece's presence that there was no turning back however. My sister quickly noticed there was a solemn overtone to the event. Then the birthday girl announced I wished my daddy was here.  The grandma seeing my sister was confused said her son, the birthday girl's daddy, had been killed in a car wreck over the summer. This was there first celebration since. My sister showed up. In turn her daughter showed up. In turn it could become about a little girl turning 6 a little bit more and the sting of a missing daddy a little bit less.

Then a few days later on a rare alone time on my bike and ear buds, I heard the lyrics to this Rachel Platten song:
She dreams of where she's never been
Her story starts where it should end
And she keeps a bible close 
And folds the pages down she needs the most
The faded walls are closing in
So in her head she leaves again
And they've painted ceilings blue and green
And brilliant colors she's never seen

And nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
You'll never be a winner if you're not in the game
Nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
Make a little space and get out of your own way

A ticket out sits on her shelf
But gathers dust upon itself
Cause chasing chance is for the brave
Maybe soon she'll feel that way

But nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
Nothing ever happens if you don't get hurt
Nothing ever happens if you never get dirty
Make a little space and go on, get out
Go on, get out 

Leave what you don't need
You're free and the pieces will fall into place
You and you only
Who can make a little space and... and get out of your own way

She sees the sunlight through the cracks
It's only her who holds her back and... 
And so she takes her deepest breath
Shuts the door and walks down the steps

And nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon 
Nothing ever happens if you're not in the game
And nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
Make a little space and get out of your own... 

Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own 
Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own way


OK! OK!
I get it. Show up! 
...but seriously was that song written about me? Is Rachel Platten stalking me?

So tonight I knew I had to show up to this Story Teller's Event from women who had learned to trust God despite pain and loss at a local church...period pimple and all (you know, you know what I am talking about).

It was so incredible to see women speaking words of vulnerability and ugliness and watching into turn into beauty and light. 

One comment (or at least what I got from the comment) stuck with me from a women whom had struggled with infertility for years, often we pray for God to bring us THROUGH the time of suffering, when really IN the time of suffering is God's gift to us. 

So thanks sis and sistas' in Christ for the lesson.